Together
by Xanthia Oliphant
Summary: "And I love you, too, James Carstairs." and as she said the words, she believed them. She believed them without a doubt, without a thought of Will in the back of her mind. ONESHOT


"You can never love me." Will said flatly, and when she did not respond, when she said nothing, he shuddered-a shudder that ran through his whole body-and pushed away from the armchair without looking at her. He stood up stiffly and walked over to the window, fixing his gaze on the ground below. Tessa debated on whether she should say something to him or not. She walked slowly to the door and reached for the bolt, turning around to say one last thing to him.

"There was a time that I did love you, Will." she whispered and unlatched the door, stepping out into the corridor silently. The door shut with a thud and she sighed. As she reached her room she looked at Jem's door, feeling guilty. She did love Jem, she truly did. But what she had with Will-it felt so right. It was a painful feeling, gnawing at her for days on end. Nothing seemed to have been able to suppress the grief she felt being separated from Will. But he had messed up, he was the one who said those-

A loud crash abruptly drew her out of her thoughts and immediately she ran to Jem's door. She knocked lightly at first, then louder with urgency when he didn't answer. Her breathing quickened as many different scenarios ran through her head. What if he had fainted? What if he ran out of the drug and was having a breakdown? What if he was dead? She threw the door open at that thought and frantically looked around the room to see Jem sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. She looked at the wall facing him and saw his violin thrown against the wall, the bow broken in two. She gasped and kneeled down by him.

"Jem?" he slowly lifted his head. His eyes looked tired... and sad. He met her gaze for a few noments before his head hung back down. "Jem, what's wrong?" she whispered.

"I should've known..." he whispered back and shook his head. Known what?

"Jem..."

"You love him don't you?" he asked. Her eyes widened in realization; he had heard her and Will's conversation in the drawing room. She opened her mouth to speak, to tell him she didn't. But she couldn't say it without it being a lie. She did love Will, she could never stop loving him. She had tried so hard to hate him but could never bring herself to do it. She figured she would just have to tell Jem the truth. No matter how difficult it might me.

She grabbed his face in both her heads, making brown eyes meet silver. She stared at him for a while, trying to figure out what to say. She leaned in a little leaving only inches between them.

"Yes. I love Will." Her voice was quivering. Jem made a pained noise and forced his head away from her. He got up from the bed and turned away.

"The engagement-" he started.

"The engagement shall remain. Jem, listen-no look at me." she demanded, going around to stand in front of him. She grabbed both his hands in hers and bit her lip. "I love Will. I always will, no matter what. I can't not love him. But, I love you, too. More than I him." She paused, waiting for a reaction.

"But... You still love him." he sighed, avoiding her gaze. She nodded, and leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his slender waist. So badly she wanted to make him feel better, but she knew the situation had dealt a horrible blow to his personal security. She gazed up into his eyes, thinking of ways to mend his heart.

"I love him. I did from the very beginning. The way I felt with him... it was beautiful. It was like a hot fire, I was completely void of all barriers... But with you-with you it's like fresh air after being cooped up in an airless dark." she paused, furrowing her delicate eyebrows in concentration trying to think of how to go on. She broke from him and sunk down to his bed, sighing heavily. "I... I was confused. After what Will said to me I tried to hate him. Believe me, I did. But I couldn't-I just couldn't look at him in spite and say I truly hated him without it being a lie.

During that period, I had grown close to you, Jem. I was confused about my feelings for you and for Will. Every time I was around you it was like everything about Will just faded away into the recesses of my mind. It did not matter what had happened that day, when I saw you my mind went blank with happiness. Every time you were close to me I felt warm and safe." she felt the bed sink in slightly as Jem sat beside her. She felt the warm pressure of his hand on her shoulder. She stood up quickly and turned away from him, afraid that he'd see the tears threatening to fall. She swallowed the hard lump in her throat as she willed the tears to stay in. She should've been stronger than this, this was nothing compared to what she'd been through. _You will not cry in font of him. You will not cry. _She thought to herself, taking in a deep breath.

"Tessa-"

"Jem, you have to believe me. I love you. I really do, with everything I have. You make me happy, it does not matter what I had with Will. Those feelings may still be here-" her voice faltered and she felt herself trembling as the tears began to fall. They trailed over her cheeks, leaving a glistening trail in their wake. Her heart clenched with pain; she wanted to desperately for him to believe her and was afraid this would ruin what they had. She almost felt angry at Will for what he had said but she knew it was not his fault. It was hers entirely. She should've been able to get rid of her feelings for him, but they stuck to her like superglue. _Oh, why did it have to be me? _She thought selfishly. She of course didn't want to feel this guilt.

The heart was a selfish thing. There were always the defense mechanisms the mind used to make one feel better, even at the expense of others. She wanted to be happy, but she didn't know where she would be. It was a confusing predicament. There were often times she wished she could fast forward time and avoid all the heart ache.

"Tessa, I..." Jem came up to her and took her hand gently in his. "I believe you. I'm sorry for having doubted you-"

"You should not be sorry. I should not feel this way for Will. I should only feel for you." she looked down at her bare feet and sighed for the umpteenth time that day. She almost felt sick to her stomach, it churned and flopped in unsettling patterns. She let out a shaky breath. She felt ashamed at herself for her mixed feelings. She wished she could just erase every feeling she had and start anew with Jem. "I am sorry-" she was cut off as he pressed his lips over hers, conquering and stealing her words away. She barely concealed a gasp of surprise and willed herself to relax beneath his lips. Soon, though, she felt herself melt against him-into him. Her hands wrapped around his neck almost unconsciously and wound her fingers through his silvery hair. The overwhelming feeling of guilt was gone, as if his lips could mend her. She felt happy in his arms, and her thoughts of Will disappeared all together. The warmth of his body seeped into hers filling her senses with sweet bliss. One hand cupping the back of her neck gently, his hand came up to stroke her cheek, making her shiver. This kiss was different from those she had with him before; there was no urgency, no rush. It was calm, like waves lapping at the shore. His hand slid down to the small of her back, pulling her closer, not allowing an inch of space between them. She opened her mouth willingly when when he demanded the intimacy, her legs buckled beneath her as the sweet sensation. She murmured against his lips, not quite knowing what she was saying. It felt so good, so utterly right she wanted to stay like this forever, in his arms. He whispered something in between kisses, though she could not hear for her senses were drowned in utter happiness, nothing seemed important but this one moment.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they broke apart, in desperate need of air. Jem didn't allow her to pull away, but rather held her against his chest, resting his chin on the top of head. He was completely still, save for the rise and fall of his chest. She laid her ear against his heart, letting the beat of it sooth her. She realized for the first time that she seemed to fit so perfectly against him, as if they were made for each other. Maybe that was how it was supposed to be... Maybe she wasn't supposed to be with Will, but Jem...

She nearly leapt with surprise when she felt his body trembling. For a second she thought he was crying, but she heard the soft, velvety sound of his laughter. She pulled away and looked at him confusedly. He only laughed harder at her startled expression. What was he laughing about?

"What's so funny?" she demanded.

"This-" he gestured to himself then her. "Us. Two teenagers, worrying about something as trivial as love. We should be worrying about little things, not this." he laughed once again, quieter. Tessa stared at him for a moment, almost angry. But soon she found herself laughing along with him, almost doubling over. She grabbed the wall from support as her giggles pressed on. She had never thought about how young she was to be thinking about something like this. It never really occurred to her that other teenagers didn't have to think about things like love or heartbreak.

"You're right. How foolish are we?" she smiled up at him. He simply smiled back and grabbed her hands in his, his face suddenly serious again.

"Tessa, I love you. With all my heart. I shall love you forever, even after I have gone from this world." Tessa knew the hidden meaning behind his words, but she couldn't fight with him now.

"And I love you, too, James Carstairs." and as she said the words, she believed them. She believed them without a doubt, without a thought of Will in the back of her mind. But she meant it completely; she cared for Jem in a way he had never cared about anyone else. He was not the hot fire she wanted at the beginning, but te calming ocean that seemed to wash away every worry, insecurity, and doubt she ever experienced. Yes, she did love Jem, and she was more than proud to say she was engaged to him. Her heart swelled with happiness and she could almost feel it bursting from her body.

He wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his around her waist and pulled her tightly against him. Burying her face in the crook of his neck, she inhaled deeply and smiled. She looked forward to spending whatever time they had left,

together.

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><p><strong>AN: Constructive criticism is welcome!**


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